I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize