She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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