What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
tell me about the eggs
Randomize