Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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