in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
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I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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