If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
the raccoons are back...
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