yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
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Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
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Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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