When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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