wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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