Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
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I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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