I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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