sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
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So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
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I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize