Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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