I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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