I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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