Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
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He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
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The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
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