i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
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Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
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You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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