my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
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No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
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I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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