It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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