if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Floor bacon is actually really good
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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