I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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