dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize