i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
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Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
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You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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