Buhtt sex?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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