I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize