i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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