I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
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