Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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