When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
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We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
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Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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