the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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