I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
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Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
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Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize