just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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