Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
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If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
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I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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