my phone needs a breathalizer
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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