oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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