I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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