Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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