He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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