I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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