Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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