matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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