Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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