the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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