Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize