i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize