a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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