I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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