i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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