Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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