it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
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i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
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Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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